Last week I had coffee with my Ladies and it was fabulous! If you weren’t there, I wish you were! We dug into the subject of People Pleasing and learned SO much. Wise women shared their pearls with each other and we all left with a deeper understanding of ourselves while being equipped to take ACTION.
Here are a few of the highlights.
Reasons women get caught up in the trap of people pleasing:
1. We get our worth from being needed so we must make sure they will always need us (THAT IS NOT WHERE OUR WORTH COMES FROM. IT COMES FROM THE ONE WHO CREATED US. HE SAYS YOU ARE PRICELESS and APPROVES OF YOU EVEN ON YOUR WORST DAY!)
2. We believe it is our responsibility to make others happy, secure and stable (IT’S NOT! EACH PERSON’S QUALITY OF LIFE, HAPPINESS AND HEALTH IS THEIR PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY)
3. We fall for the lie that if I give ‘my all’ to someone, they will give ‘their all’ back to me (THE TRUTH IS, IF I VALUE ME AND LOVE ME, OTHERS ARE MORE LIKELY TO TREAT ME WITH THAT SAME VALUE AND LOVE.)
Here are some fantastic ideas we came up with to cure this disease and say NO to people pleasing crack!
1. Find your worth outside of any person or thing in this world. People and circumstances cannot be the foundation for your worthiness because they change like the wind. Remember that what God says about you is the TRUEST thing about you. He says you are worth it all- on your good days and on your bad days! Seek to know how He sees you and you will not care how anyone else does.
2. When you are tempted to people please at your own expense, stop and ask yourself this question: “What in this situation am I really accountable for?” This will help you to stop ‘owning’ other people’s problems, emotions and responses and to take charge of your own.
3. Watch for twinges of GUILT. You might be getting good at saying NO, but then that old bugger GUILT keeps lingering. Excessive guilt indicates that you have been taking on too much responsibility for how other people feel, think or act. LET IT GO, Sister. What other people think about you is none of your business, anyway. Keep your side of the street clean by taking responsibility for YOUR feelings, thoughts and choices. 🙂
4. Ultimately, it is only a deep sense of security within that cures the Disease to Please. It is my prayer for you that you would grow in security by understanding who you are to God, who He is to you and just how LOVED by Him you really are. If you understood those three things, you would truly be FREE from the Disease to Please. My absolute best advice for conquering this thing? Learn to live for an Audience of One. If you are pleasing the Father, you won’t care who says or thinks what. There is no peace in this world like the peace you get from following the Lord and doing His will.