a life like this slowly destroys the one living it…

Self-care? What’s that??

That is exactly what I would’ve said if I saw this blog back in my 20’s and 30’s.

During that time, I was a mom of eleven *yes you heard me right* eleven kids. I cooked three meals a day for a double-digit-sized family, educated seven of my children as a homeschooling mom, kept my house clean (to a fault) and even attempted scrap-booking (never again!!)…all on a shoestring budget and as a wife whose husband had an addiction problem.

When hearing all this, does the work pressure come to mind?? How about crazy?? Yep.

Honestly, I can’t tell you how it all happened every day – how the kids were always fed, how they all learned how to read, how the laundry got done, how the bills got paid – I have no idea. I give the credit to God who gives His Grace for what we need, when we need it. I certainly needed it and He did give it! But what God did not do, and won’t do, was force me to take care of me.

So, while I was taking care of everyone else, I put myself last. While He gave me grace to live my daily life, I applied none of it to myself.

I did not buy myself things.
I did not spend quiet/alone time.
I did not take time for the things that I enjoyed.
I did not stop each day to think about what I needed to refill my ever-emptied tank.
I did not rest.
I did not forgive myself or show myself grace.
I just kept pushing myself to give and give, take care of it all, solve everyone’s problems and fix whatever was broken.

Sound familiar?

If so, please read my words carefully today. Especially this part:

A life like this slowly destroys the one living it.

I know this because I lived with the consequences of this life. I slowly brought myself to the edge of a total breakdown. I definitely brought myself to total burnout. And then, thank God, I learned a very powerful lesson.

Self-care is not a luxury. It is a responsibility.


In my effort to be a better mom, wife and Christian woman, I denied my own needs for the sake of others. That left no one to take care of me. The body I was given: neglected. The heart I was given: ignored. The energy I needed to replenish: an afterthought. I was setting it all aside to take care of everyone and everything else. I was taking responsibility for everyone but me.

While drowning in this sea, I cried for help and found it. Someone wonderfully wise told me this:

The very best moms, wives, dads, husbands… take really good care of themselves.


That didn’t sound very sacrificial. But I knew it sounded like something I desperately needed to do. So I listened. I began in small ways to take care of myself. I knew that I would be no good to anyone for much longer unless I did!

So, for the first time in my adult life, I put my emotional, mental and physical needs on my list of things to do.

And ya know what I discovered? I had more energy for the ones I loved. I had more patience in times of stress! I had more wisdom for tough situations. By taking responsibility for my own care, I cared for others more effectively. Kind of a paradox but oh, so real.

What about you? Are you approaching burnout? Do you need more energy, patience and wisdom? If so, then you need to take the responsibility of self-care more seriously. I mean, if you don’t do it, who will? And the job really doesn’t belong to anyone else, ya know what I mean?

How can you take care of your self today?


a cure for the disease to please

Last week I had coffee with my Ladies and it was fabulous! If you weren’t there, I wish you were! We dug into the subject of People Pleasing and learned SO much. Wise women shared their pearls with each other and we all left with a deeper understanding of ourselves while being equipped to take ACTION.

Here are a few of the highlights.

Reasons women get caught up in the trap of people pleasing:

1. We get our worth from being needed so we must make sure they will always need us (THAT IS NOT WHERE OUR WORTH COMES FROM. IT COMES FROM THE ONE WHO CREATED US. HE SAYS YOU ARE PRICELESS and APPROVES OF YOU EVEN ON YOUR WORST DAY!)

2. We believe it is our responsibility to make others happy, secure and stable (IT’S NOT! EACH PERSON’S QUALITY OF LIFE, HAPPINESS AND HEALTH IS THEIR PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY)

3. We fall for the lie that if I give ‘my all’ to someone, they will give ‘their all’ back to me (THE TRUTH IS, IF I VALUE ME AND LOVE ME, OTHERS ARE MORE LIKELY TO TREAT ME WITH THAT SAME VALUE AND LOVE.)


Here are some fantastic ideas we came up with to cure this disease and say NO to people pleasing crack!

1. Find your worth outside of any person or thing in this world. People and circumstances cannot be the foundation for your worthiness because they change like the wind. Remember that what God says about you is the TRUEST thing about you. He says you are worth it all- on your good days and on your bad days! Seek to know how He sees you and you will not care how anyone else does.

2. When you are tempted to people please at your own expense, stop and ask yourself this question: “What in this situation am I really accountable for?” This will help you to stop ‘owning’ other people’s problems, emotions and responses and to take charge of your own.

3. Watch for twinges of GUILT. You might be getting good at saying NO, but then that old bugger GUILT keeps lingering. Excessive guilt indicates that you have been taking on too much responsibility for how other people feel, think or act. LET IT GO, Sister. What other people think about you is none of your business, anyway. Keep your side of the street clean by taking responsibility for YOUR feelings, thoughts and choices. 🙂

4. Ultimately, it is only a deep sense of security within that cures the Disease to Please. It is my prayer for you that you would grow in security by understanding who you are to God, who He is to you and just how LOVED by Him you really are. If you understood those three things, you would truly be FREE from the Disease to Please. My absolute best advice for conquering this thing? Learn to live for an Audience of One. If you are pleasing the Father, you won’t care who says or thinks what. There is no peace in this world like the peace you get from following the Lord and doing His will.





what to do with judgement, criticism and haters…

Recently, I posted a comment about haters on Facebook. A dear friend of mine replied,

“Oh no! Kim, you have haters??”

Um. Yes.

We all do. No one is immune to criticism and judgment. People will do that….some will do it to your face and some behind your back (and then you get the joy of hearing about it later).

Either way, you need to know how to handle this WITHOUT allowing it to cripple you!

Here are some of my best tips for handling judgment, criticism and haters:

1. Choose what you will and WILL NOT listen to. Words have power. You are not obligated to listen to a litany of reasons why you suck at the hands of an angry or resentful person! Some of those people need to be cut out of your life completely. If it is a person you live with, well, that’s different. You will need strong boundaries and a plan for when these ugly scenes start to go down. Choose not to engage in the conversation and get out of there. Hurtful, angry, bitter words are hard to remove once they go into our minds and hearts.

If someone has a real concern that they want to address with you it is OKAY to require the conversation to be calm and respectful! Try this: “I will talk about this when you can tell me how you feel in a way that is respectful to us both.”

2. Accept the fact that you cannot control other people’s perceptions of you. People judge and they judge harshly. Have you heard the saying that people look at themselves through a telescope and at others through a microscope? I have found that to be true. For me, freedom comes from this: just plain accepting that some people will perceive me or my actions inaccurately and there is nothing I can do about it. I’m actually okay with people being wrong about me and I don’t go to the ends of the earth to change their minds. People who really value me take care to understand who I am and why I do what I do. Those are the relationships worth the investment.

3. Take a look at your side of the street. Hearing about how horrible or inadequate someone thinks we are is emotionally upsetting. So, once you have settled down emotionally, maybe a day or two or ten later, get objective. Take a step back and assess your side of the street in the situation. Were they pointing out some garbage that is really there? If so, clean it up. Were they pointing out garbage that is on their side, but telling you it is actually on your side? Or worse yet, were they blaming you for all of the garbage they have created? Do not take responsibility for what is NOT yours. Allow them to own their garbage while you are committed to owning yours. (Bonus tip: It doesn’t hurt to show them some empathy for how tough things are for them even if they blame you for it. I’m still working on this one.)

4. Remember that the 80/20 rule applies here. Even at your VERY BEST, using your BEST GIFTS, 20% of people just aren’t going to like you. You’re just not their flavor! You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, but there will always be someone who hates peaches. So what? Most people love peaches! According to the 80/20 rule, 80% will join your tribe enthusiastically. So celebrate the 80 and allow the 20 to sharpen your personal sense of security and ability to deal with criticism. You need a thick skin in this life, y’all. (Thicker than that of a peach.) It can be a cruel world.


5. Don’t let harsh criticism or judgement stop you – keep on growing. As you grow, you will learn to love and accept yourself. (You know you’ve accomplished this when you treat yourself like you would your best friend.) Strong, secure people learn to celebrate their gifts and find things to like about themselves. As you become this person you will value your time, energy, ideas and resources. You’ll invest in your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual development and become a person you can be proud of. Yes, you’ll still screw up and have bad moments, but you will learn to give yourself the grace you give others and more readily accept your own humanity. Ultimately, you will learn to leverage your weaknesses and failures to take you to the next level. Who knows?? You might even be thankful for the haters one day! Grateful that their criticism and judgment fueled your commitment to greatness and forced you to dig your heels in and not budge about living your best life.

Still growing,